| Is it bad when I don't waver at the sight of my mother's heart being broken? Broken by me, at that? I don't even try to block out the emotions. Maybe it just happens naturally. Or maybe she's right. Maybe I really just take joy in her pain and agony. Maybe I'm just despicable.
Is it bad that I feel angered and jealous when I'm never the first choice? When I'm never the "go-to-first-friend" and always the "go-to-sometime-after-friend"? When I'm never desired in the least bit.
Is it bad that I always doom myself into this disgusting situation? Always waiting. Never pursuing.
It's bad that I'm becoming the person I am. All these negative qualities.
It's bad that I want to give up. It's bad that I never reach my goals.
But hopefully, the bad will motivate the good to come out.
Is it bad that I'm never motivated?
With all these bad things, I can't help but to ask myself Am I A Bad Person? |
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| Since no one's put up a post in awhile... I'll do the honor of doing so.
So... Apparently this year really isn't turning out great as expected. So much chaos and drama and unhappy events.
It feels like everything's just falling apart.
It's like in tetris, how if you fill an entire row, it'll go away. Well, I'm missing one fucking piece. And rows just keep building on top of another for what seems like forever
and I feel like the game's gonna end soon. and say
GAME OVER. YOU LOST.
:[
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| I'd like to start this out by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR! to everyone out there.
In conclusion, 2008 is gone. And my celebration to invite this new year was pretty great.
So... Enjoy it, dahls. <3
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| So... This Christmas wasn't exactly one of the best memories I have of Christmases.
First off, we had people over from Massachusetts. However, my friend (the only one I was really excited about having over) couldn't come because her swim coach is a devil. Blah. So it was just her little sister and her mother. Her lil sister is definitely not as cool as her. Definitely not. And Diana can contest to that.
Secondly, my parents woke me up at like 9:00 to go on a bike ride on the Hawthorne to Gainesville trail. That was bad because we didn't sleep until like 1:00 the previous night. AND I got woken up at 4:00 because my new phone (of which still can't dial or receive calls; wtf?!) ran out of battery and beeped before turning itself off. So after maybe a mile or so biking, my stomach started to hurt like a LOT. And it felt like appendicitis or something awful. But it wasn't, so I guess it's okay. But then it started hurting more, and I've been going through cycles of pain and nausea and just feeling dandy. :/ Being sick on Christmas = not fun because you can't eat!!! And I missed out on a whole bunch of good food and I'm sad about that. D: Let's hope I at least lost some weight.
Lastly, my dad has been giving me SUCH an attitude. He's a control freak over the remote control, he wouldn't let me sit in the car when my stomach started hurting, he kept saying how I always feel fine at parties. Uhh... Too bad I didn't eat at the party and I slept through the WHOLE thing. Gee, that's really called feeling fine. Dumbfuck.
Oh, one more thing, being sick keeps you from laughing. Or at least it keeps ME from laughing... D:
:[ I don't like bad Christmases.
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